I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they like to feign offense so other people don't think that they're inappropriate for laughing at something.