Apologies; our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about right or wrong. It's about wanting to throw a rock in the dark and hear something break.

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?