I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.

My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini.