I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

Say what you want about the deaf.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.