Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.