Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.