I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.
The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.
I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"