I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.