As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.