In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.