I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.