After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.