After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."