When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
Jimmy CarrRecently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Jimmy CarrMy favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."
Jimmy CarrEighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
Jimmy Carr