After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.