After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.