Better laid than never.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

Two is company; three is fifty bucks.

That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".