Better laid than never.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.