Better laid than never.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.