Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."