I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.