That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others

I was not an attractive child.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.

Better laid than never.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.