Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.