Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

Every time I get on an airplane I figure it's gonna get blown up. You live on the edge.

When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.