The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.