I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
I was my own buddy in camp.
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.