"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"

My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.