A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on.