If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there."

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."

I am furious about everything.