Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe."

The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.