Can we talk?

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.