Can we talk?

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

Every time I get on an airplane I figure it's gonna get blown up. You live on the edge.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around.