No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

What we do is a calling...we make people happy.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.