No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.

I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.