Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Better laid than never.

Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do