Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.