Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own.

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.

I’m never without a bandage.

Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.