A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.