I was my own buddy in camp.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.