Two is company; three is fifty bucks.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others