I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

I was my own buddy in camp.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."