I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.
My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.