The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.

I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.