Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe."

Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.