I love the way my life has fallen into place.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.