No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.

Never floss a stranger.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.

I was my own buddy in camp.

Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.