I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.