Every television show you go on is a choice.
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.