A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.