A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.