We can afford almost any mistake once.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.