We can afford almost any mistake once.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.