I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.