I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.