Joe E. Lewis Quotes

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I drink to forget I drink.

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

We can afford almost any mistake once.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.