I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.