Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.