I don`t like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.

When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour - it's a big difference. It's annoying - your feet hurt, your back hurts - it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.