Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

Comedy shows in D.C. are so much fun. I think because of the intense area that is connected to politics that people need, they need their down time. D.C. audiences are almost universally praised by comedians.

I thought eventually I'd have a family and I really didn't want to be a loser like that guy in his 40s still shopping his band's shitty demo tapes around.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

It's a very strange thing when you make nature illegal.

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.