I did a lot of crazy gigs man. I hosted a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket Rhode Island which is this tiny depressing fishing town, all Portuguese immigrants and it's just a humorless, dark town.

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.