I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.

When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour - it's a big difference. It's annoying - your feet hurt, your back hurts - it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy.

["Faggot"] is a great word! The whole thing about language is, it's supposed to be broadcasting your intentions. These are my intentions and these words broadcast my feelings. If all of a sudden you have forbidden words that doesn't make the intent any better. It's just appeasing sensitive people.

People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.

Not all comedy clubs or situations are ideal, especially when you're first coming up and I think that's good for you. Eventually you get to express your real personality.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.