People are scared man, they're scared of the void.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

When you're jealous, especially of someone else's art or creations you automatically put up these selfish walls that reinforce your stupid ideas. It's hard to pull those walls down and look at what you're hiding. Look at your own weakness and realize that the jealousy came from knowing that you're intimidated by someone else's work, and that when you compare it to your own, you fall short.

If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.