My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys.

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.

It's not necessarily a brave thing, people talk about what they think about. There's people out there who love to talk about politics or where they think the countries headed. I don't talk about that I talk about...things that are a little trippier.

If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.

If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.

No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.