A unicorn is a donkey from the future

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.

People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.