A unicorn is a donkey from the future

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.

One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It's the way Boston was in the '80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that's HUGE.