People for the most part can smell lies.

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion

So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

I always do that at the end of shows, like a Q&A session. First of all it lets people know that this isn't some preprogrammed, press-play show where I have to say the exact same words in the exact same order. That's part of the thing with live comedy is that people like the fun aspect of it and I enjoy the taking questions part.