I love coming to D.C. I think it's a very unusual city. It's so fascinating that it's this weird place that everything thinks of as the capital of the country, there is so much international business, political stuff that is connected to that part of the country that it has a very charred atmosphere.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Despite all the advancements in science, and all things about religion that are disproved it still marches on. The bottom line is that the only real, absolutely provable answers about life and our place in the universe are provided by science, and religion has been holding down science since day one.

Faggot never meant "gay" when I was a kid. You kind of knew that you could call a gay person faggot if you were ignorant, but nobody ever called someone a faggot if they were gay.

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.